Love—As Easy As One, Two, Rooftop!

01/13/03

It's 8:40 a.m. Sunday morning and I'm on top the roof of our new house wondering exactly how I'm going to get down!

Sound familiar? Anyone who has ADHD or lives with someone who has it knows this story. A few of the characteristics of ADHD are impulsiveness and a desire for risky behavior. I displayed both of these traits in only 2.5 minutes that early Sunday morning.

As we were driving off for church, Amy realized we'd forgotten something. Typical to ADHD I can't even remember what it was, all I remember is what happened. She went to go back inside of our new home we'd just recently moved into and realized she had locked the door and we didn't have a key.

Suddenly two adults had an opportunity to problem solve a situation and figure out the best way to get inside the house. Amy's first thought was to go around the parameter of our home and check to see if any windows looked open. My first idea was, "OOOOOOOH, I could climb the scaffolding in the back and get up on the roof!"

How my idea was going to help us get into the house—I have no idea—it simply sounded fun!

It didn't take me much time to climb the outside of the scaffolding to make it onto to my roof. Once atop, I realized how beautiful our property was, how nice the lake looked and that my children looked like tiny little ants from such a high vantage point! This only distracted me from my initial reason for climbing on the roof, which was to get inside the house—not on top of the house!

I scooted down one of the pitches of the roof and found myself slightly stuck in a place that didn't feel too safe, even for an ADHD person. Now I was focused on getting off the roof and not into the house. Then, I heard a voice from down below, "Michael? Where are you? I got it, let's go."

It was Amy, and she somehow managed to get into the house, get what she wanted, and was now ready to leave for church. There was only one problem, I was stuck on the roof!

"I'm right here!" I shouted back to her. Which was humorous, because she looked around at ground level to see where my voice was coming from. Of coarse with any normal individual, that would have been a good place to look. But she must have forgotten my uniqueness.

"Where are you?" she said again. "Right here!" I replied trying to get her attention upward. The look I got next will be hard to forget. As she finally started tracking my voice upward onto the roof, her eyes said it all, "Why …. Why are you on the roof?"

I tried to explain, but she just wanted me off the roof and in the car so we could go to church, like a normal family. I told her it wasn't going to be that easy, but I did manage to get off the roof in time to make it for church.

Why do I share this story? Because whether you're married to an ADHD person who might get stuck on the roof on a Sunday morning before church or married to someone who might take life too seriously, a great marriage takes blending.

It takes valuing your mate for who he/she is and not what you want him/her to be. It means you accept your mate—100%—for who they are, faults and all! "And the two shall become one …" Isn't that what God intended marriage to be? A husband and wife becoming one isn't about a piece of paper with the signature of a judge or pastor. It's about allowing the uniqueness of your mate to survive in the marriage because you care for their strengths and weaknesses. Knowing the more you allow your mate to be an individual, valuable and important, the more you will be able to blend together and reach the unity God intended.

Unity isn't about denying yourself or letting the other take over. Unity is about loving yourself and allowing your mate to be unique. By honoring your mate's uniqueness and individualness, you are creating an environment of safety, respect and honor, which these are the ingredients to a long lasting, successful and satisfying marriage!